Delight in Stillness

“Go to your room!” “Sit still until I tell you to move!” “You need a time out!” For those of us who grew up hearing these words when we misbehaved, is it any wonder that as adults we have an aversion to being still, to being quiet, or to being alone? When stillness, time-out, and alone time are used as forms of punishment, how likely is it that we would look forward to, much less be able to delight, in stillness?

Even though this may be unconscious, on top of associating being still with being “bad,”  many of us associate being still with doing nothing, and we associate doing nothing with being lazy. As children many of us were criticized and made to feel ashamed of being lazy. No one wants to be judged as being either “bad” or lazy so we keep busy. A lot of the time we are not really accomplishing much, we’re just busy being busy to avoid the unpleasantness we associate with being still.

Take Sunny for example. Busy all the time, she rarely takes time out for herself because there is always so much to do for everyone else. As the primary caregiver for her aging parents, full-time teacher, wife and the mother of three school-aged children, she has her hands full–which is the reason she gives for not being able to slow down and relax. She wants to enjoy taking time out for herself, but never seems able to manage it.

On the surface, given all that’s going on in her life, it makes sense that Sunny is in perpetual motion. When she began to dig a little deeper to find why she was unable to enjoy being still, she noticed that whenever she tried to relax she became physically and emotionally agitated, which to her way of thinking defeated the purpose. So she avoided being still and relaxing even though she knew it would be good for her. “It makes me feel anxious and guilty,” she would say.

When Sunny began to practice yoga, she felt calmer until the final pose of the practice, savasana, which she regarded as a waste of time. This is where you lie awake in stillness, tuning in to your body, your emotions and your mind, letting go completely as you enter into a state of profound relaxation. Sunny was quite unfamiliar with this state of mind. Inevitably, her unconscious “stuff” would come to the surface. The good thing about that is, it allowed her to become aware that she associated being still with being punished. This awareness helped her understand her resistance to taking the time to be still, both on and off her yoga mat. With this awareness she was able, with intention and practice, to learn to associate stillness with something positive that could enhance her life.

In order to delight in stillness, we need to have pleasant associations with being still.

If you have trouble being still and relaxing unless you are asleep or distracted by television, music, or some other passive activity, here are some suggestions for making stillness a pleasant experience.

While you practice being still:

Engage your imagination by visualizing a game from childhood that requires stillness. Freeze tag, Statues, or Red Light/Green Light are some examples. Remembering how much fun that was will help you associate stillness with something joyful.

Imagine all the good things you have to look forward to, or recall all the good things that have happened to you during the day.

Remember a pleasant time of being still, a day alone on the beach enjoying the warmth of the sun with no place to go, and nothing else to do.

Envision holding a baby close to your heart, feeling his/her warmth and synchronizing your breath and heart beat with the baby’s.

Come up with your own version of what makes stillness a delight, and soon dropping into relaxation will become a pleasure.

Relaxation is not a waste of time, and the benefits are worth it. Decreased heart rate, blood pressure, muscle tension, and anxiety are just some of the benefits. Relaxation also increases your energy level, stimulates memory, improves your ability to focus, enhances sleep, strengthens your immune system and gives you an overall sense of well-being.

Make time-out a reward, not a punishment. Remember, just because you seem to be doing nothing doesn’t mean nothing is happening.

Namaste

Light on Secrecy

“Listen, 
Do you want to know a secret?
Do you promise not to tell?”
The Beatles

Whether it’s an embarrassing story, a secret crush, or a family skeleton, each of us needs someone to confide in. Yet some truths seem so deep and dark we keep them hidden from everyone–our parents, our spouse, our siblings, a best friend–hoping no one will ever find out about them.

The problem with carrying around a secret is that it can be toxic, costing you peace of mind, happiness, even your health. Keeping secrets interferes with your ability to be yourself, and to be intimate with others. Hiding parts of your personal history takes energy and is stressful. Ongoing stress poses a health problem due to increased hormone levels that cause inflammation and compromise the immune system. These are some of the reasons keeping secrets is a dangerous practice.

While growing up, Doreen was embarrassed by her mother’s behavior on more than one occasion. Doreen’s mother was an alcoholic. At times she could be sweet, loving, rational and fun. At other times she was volatile, emotionally labile and depressed. She was unreliable and her behavior was unpredictable. Doreen loved her mother, but was ashamed of the way she acted when she was drinking. She never knew what to expect and so as a child she never invited friends to her house, a habit she continued into her adult life.

Although she was ashamed of her, even as an adult Doreen felt protective of her mother. She didn’t want anyone to judge her or her mother negatively, so whenever conversations about childhood would come up among friends, Doreen would change the subject. She didn’t want anyone to know about her mother’s drinking. But keeping this secret locked inside made it impossible for Doreen to ever feel truly at ease in her friendships, leading to chronic anxiety and bouts of loneliness and depression.

It doesn’t matter what your secret is: hiding debt, telling or concealing a lie, secretly eating, covering up physical and sexual abuse. Keeping secrets is a form of dishonesty that causes harm to us physically, psychologically and spiritually, and sometimes causes harm to others. Yoga teaches us that truthfulness is a guiding principle of our practice both on and off our yoga mat. We learn that by shining a light on the hidden places within ourselves we can safely avoid their stress-related consequences. Even though the thought of revealing a secret can seem scary, once you take that first step, it gets easier.

When you’re preparing to be open with others about a secret you’ve been harboring, a good first step is to be honest with yourself. Journal, write a poem, draw a picture or even write a song about the secret. When you feel more comfortable about sharing the secret, try role-playing what you’ll say with a trusted friend before you reveal the secret directly to others. If you don’t feel comfortable divulging the secret to someone you know, seek help from a professional who is obligated to maintain confidentiality.

When Doreen could no longer tolerate feelings of loneliness and isolation, she sought counseling. Being able to share all that she felt about her mother’s alcoholism helped her to become more comfortable in her own skin. She realized that by trying to keep her personal history a secret, she was actually repressing other parts of her self. Years of holding her self back caused her to lose touch with who she really was, undermining any chance for lasting joy and deep happiness. By sharing her secret in a safe place with a safe person, Doreen learned to be more open with her friends. She began to talk more freely with them about her past when it came up. To her surprise no one held any of her past against her. In fact, they seemed to like her more for her openness.

Here are some suggestions that can help make sharing your secret a positive experience:

• Choose someone who is trustworthy, a good listener, open-minded, nonreactive, and nonjudgmental.

• Choose a place where you have sufficient privacy and a time where there are no distractions.

• Choose someone whose loyalties are not divided and who will not feel the need to tell another friend or his or her spouse what you’ve shared.

• Keep in mind that therapists and clergy are sworn to maintain confidentiality so long as your secret doesn’t involve doing potential harm to yourself or another person.

Remember what matters most is not your secret. What really matters are the friends and family who still love you once you share the truth with them.

Namaste

Don’t Just Do Something – Sit There

Living in a “do more in less time world,” we think we can’t afford to slow down, relax, and do nothing. In constant motion, we rush to make things happen. Time seems to be running out as we rush along. We have become a culture addicted to doing.

For many of us doing has become more important than being. Even though we long for rest and relaxation, these are needs we tend to ignore. We have to talk ourselves into the practice of slowing down and being still. Have you ever noticed that no matter how lovingly suggested, whenever someone recommends that we unwind, relax, take a deep breath, or slow down, we almost always resist? “It takes too much time to slow down,” we protest. A culture of doers, we have places to go, people to meet, things to do. The only thing we think we can’t do is nothing.

Feeling frazzled from all the activity, we become increasingly impatient, and begin to feel as though even instant gratification takes too long. It’s no wonder that peace of mind eludes us.

By intentionally practicing the art of stillness, aka “doing nothing,” you can cultivate serenity and experience it in your daily life: In the middle of a traffic jam, rushing to catch a plane, or trying to meet a deadline. Peace of mind can be found wherever you are no matter what you’re doing. You don’t have to go anywhere to find it. It comes from within. Peace of mind is as close to us as breathing, but unlike breathing, we have to practice it.

Ray never welcomed the experience of slowing down. He was caught up in the game of playing Beat the Clock. Always trying to be one step ahead of time, he was certain he was running out of it. Being in a state of non-doing was unimaginable to him, the ultimate luxury, the impossible dream. He longed for serenity and peace of mind, but never took the time for it.

Through counseling and the practice of yoga and meditation, Ray became more aware of his habitual internal monologues. Speeding through traffic, ““#*^&”, I’m going to be late,” he’d get a traffic ticket. Waiting in line, “ I don’t have time for this,” he’d switch lines in a huff, and end up in a slower one. Frustrated by delays and impatient to get on to the next task on his list, “I’ll never get this done,” he’d make a mistake and have to redo the whole thing. Eventually he began to notice the unnecessary delays his thinking caused, and the imprinted emotions these thoughts created in his body: anxiety, impatience, and anger.

Being still allowed him to notice what he was thinking and feeling in the present moment without getting caught up in his thoughts and feelings. He was still impatient for time to hurry up, but through the practice of stillness he was developing awareness. His awareness taught him to be still in the face of uncomfortable emotions without having to do anything about them. He became more reflective, less reactive, more effective, and more likeable, too.

Pausing gives you a chance to pay attention to the space between your awareness, your thoughts, and your feelings. You become more aware of the part of you that just notices. It’s called the “witness consciousness.” It is the part of you that is capable of calmly watching thoughts and emotions, even the most turbulent ones, come and go. The more you identify with this internal observer, the more the “witness consciousness” grows in you; the less reactive, more playful, trusting, loving, and happier you become.

When you become aware of tight places in your body, you can find out what it needs to heal. When you become aware of your thoughts, what has been unconscious becomes conscious and allows you to make different choices. “I’m running out of time” becomes “Slow down, you move too fast. I have all the time in the world.” You discover that even when you’re late, you can stop rushing.

You can practice doing “nothing” wherever you are. Consider these suggestions.

• Instead of trying so hard, on occasion no matter what you’re doing, allow yourself to meander. Like a lazy river, take the path of least resistance.

• Pick any day and for one hour allow yourself to procrastinate. (Warning! One hour might become two or three…or more.)

• Instead of waiting for the weekend take a risk, waste some time on Wednesday or Thursday.

• When you feel an urge to act, wait. Don’t just do something. Sit there. Wait until the feeling passes then, if it still seems like a good idea, do it.

Stop doing so much and live a little. You just might discover that being is actually  more rewarding.

Namaste

That’s What Friends Are For

The beauty and the peril of friendship is that it’s a relationship that is totally voluntary. No strings attached. Unlike those relationships that bind us by blood, duty, obligation, and love, we choose our friends. The only bonds in friendship are mutual attraction and a shared desire to be in the relationship.

Friendships come in infinite varieties: yoga friends, misery loves company friends, Facebook friends, fair-weather friends, bosom buddies, work related friends, party friends, work out friends, and many more. There is no one size fits all friendship. We attract friends into our lives for all kinds of reasons and sometimes only for a season. But whether they last a season or a lifetime, our friendships help us grow.

Juanita and Sarah had been best friends for more than 25 years.  They met in middle school and attended high school together. Even though they attended different colleges they stayed in touch, visiting each other as often as possible. Once they graduated they went their separate ways each living in different cities. They corresponded, talked on the phone, and saw each other whenever they could. Because they were emotionally close, geographical distance never threatened their relationship.

Juanita said Sarah was the closest thing to a sister she had ever known. They were inseparable. They stood up in each other’s weddings, hosted baby showers for each other, mourned the loss of loved ones together, and supported each other through serious illnesses and even through a divorce…without a doubt they were best friends forever.

When Sarah told Juanita in a late night phone conversation,  “You haven’t been calling me as much as you used to, I guess I can’t count on you anymore.”  Juanita thought she was kidding. True, since she had remarried and taken on the responsibilities of a blended family, she had not been as available to Sarah. But what about all the times she had gone out of her way to be there for her; like when Sarah got fired from her job, or when she was diagnosed with lupus, or when her father died? It slowly began to dawn on Juanita that the friendship had become lopsided. When Sarah was in need Juanita had always been there to help. Now that she was not as available, Sarah put the relationship on the line.

Their relationship had always seemed balanced because Sarah was needy and Juanita needed to be needed.  Juanita was a giver and Sarah was a receiver. We tend to think that if a giver ends up with a receiver there is balance in the relationship – but this is an illusion. Two people out of balance do not create a balanced relationship. Eventually the one who needs to be needed asks for support, or the one who likes to be given to has something she wants to offer. When that happens it throws things off. If you’re not mindful, the shift in dynamics can threaten the friendship.

Instead of relying on our friendships for balance we need to balance the ability to give and receive within our own personalities.

There is a certain energy that attracts friends to each other. Opposites do attract. Like magnets we tend to attract those who possess traits and qualities we would like to possess, or traits and qualities we are unaware we already possess. Needy people tend to attract people who love to give but who have a hard time receiving. Those who love to give tend to attract those who love to receive but have a hard time offering their gifts and talents to others.

To grow, each friend needs to become more like the other. Over time, if the friendship is working its magic, and you are making the effort, you will start to change. But here’s the peril. When you change even if it’s for the better, and your friend doesn’t make the adjustment, the balance shifts and you’re out of sync with each other.

So how do we restore balance when this happens? First of all try not to put your relationship on the line. It can be a deal breaker. In a dynamic relationship nothing stays the same. In order to sustain a friendship there has to be mutual interest and attraction as well as a willingness on both parts to maintain the connection.

When the dynamics of friendship change we have to make certain adjustments. Instead of trying to relate in the same ways you always have, if you’re like Sarah you may have to give more and ask for less. If you’re like Juanita you may have to give less and ask for more.

Can your friendship survive the change in circumstances that life inevitably introduces or that personal growth brings? Do friendships last a lifetime? What is true friendship anyway? Why is it so difficult to let go once we realize we’ve outgrown a friend? Is it really okay to end a friendship that’s gone bad or one that has stagnated?

I would love to hear what you know about the answers to some of these questions and to hear how your friendships they have helped you grow.

Namaste

A Hero’s Journey

They will soar on wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary;
They will walk and not grow faint.
Isaiah 40:31

Second Lieutenant Frederick L. Parker, USAF

(Editor’s Note: In honor of Black History Month, I am repeating this very special post about my father’s experience as one of the Tuskegee Airmen.)

He never wanted to make history, he just wanted to fly. My father, Frederick L. Parker, Jr., was born June 25, 1920, the third of six children. He grew up on the south side of Chicago, but spent summer vacations with his family on the farm his parents owned in Cassopolis, Michigan. During his youth he loved nothing more than spending lazy summer afternoons, lying on his back, gazing toward the sky in the meadow near the farmhouse. Hands cupped over his forehead to shield his eyes from the sun, he watched birds flying overhead, soaring, dipping and diving for hours at a time. “What freedom!” he thought. He tried to imagine what it would be like to be as free as those birds. My father’s dream was to someday become an aviator.

When he graduated from junior college he was not yet 21, so he had to get his father’s permission to enlist in the Illinois National Guard and attend Officer’s Candidate School. He was later commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the United States Army Air Corps. In 1943 he attended pilot training at Tuskegee Airfield in Alabama as part of an “experiment” to train African American fighter pilots.  Graduates of his class of 1944 were an integral part of the infamous 332nd fighter group called the Red Tail Angels.

1944 Graduating class 332nd fighter group

At that time the United States armed forces were racially segregated. The military propaganda was that African American pilots were unfit for anything but the lowest ranks of military service. A report issued by the war college in 1925 stated that Black pilots were not smart enough or disciplined enough to fly combat aircraft. The pilot training program, known as the Tuskegee Experiment, was in actuality designed to prove that the military propaganda of the day was factual.

In spite of the obstacles they faced, these men refused to accept the limitations others tried to place on them. To them, every obstacle they faced was just another door to be opened. The Red Tails flew hundreds of successful missions as bomber escorts over North Africa and Europe, eventually gaining the respect and admiration of the military brass…the same people who questioned their ability and doubted their courage.

Second Lieutenant Frederick L. Parker (at left) and his flight instructor at Tuskegee.

Rather than chasing after and downing enemy aircraft for their own personal glory, these pilots had a reputation for staying with the bombers they were assigned to safeguard. As they flew through enemy territory they risked their own lives to protect the lives of others. It is a matter of record: the Red Tail Angels never lost a single bomber assigned to them. Once they appeared as escorts, the bomber pilots and crews knew without a doubt that they would be protected from enemy fire.

The Tuskegee Airmen  fought a war on two fronts. They helped to destroy Adolph Hitler’s regime, defeating Nazi tyranny.  At the same time they helped end racial segregation in the armed services.  These men wanted both the freedom to fly, and the freedom to fight for their country. In the process, they helped to end oppression abroad as well as at home. They weren’t trying to make history; they were trying to make a difference. By remaining true to their hearts and to their calling, they changed the world.

As far as I know my father never once stepped onto a yoga mat. Yet it is through his example that I learned what living yoga off the yoga mat really means. It’s about attitudes and actions that keep you focused, calm, and non-reactive in the face of life’s challenges. It’s about doing what’s right, not what’s easy. He did this throughout his military career by valiantly fighting, at his own peril, for freedoms that were not always granted to him, because it was the right thing to do. He demonstrated courage by standing up for and insisting on equal treatment for all, even in the face of overwhelming opposition. He proved that obstacles are overcome by committing to relentlessly following your purpose, no matter who or what opposes you. He demonstrated that living life heroically means living life authentically and facing your fears head on, everyday, with an open heart.

Flight Instructor Major Frederick L. Parker (at right) training a new pilot.

Here’s how you can become a hero in your own life and change the world.

• To live life fully we are called to live a life of service to others. Ask yourself each day upon awakening, what difference you want to make in someone else’s life. It doesn’t have to be a monumental difference. It could be something as simple as offering a listening ear to a friend in need, making a phone call to someone you’ve been thinking about, or running an errand for a neighbor.

• Rather than focusing on what you may be getting out of a relationship, or a situation, shift your focus to what you have to give and offer that. Do this without the expectation of a return.

• Do not let limitations or barriers keep you from pursuing your dreams. No achievement comes without obstacles. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue moving toward your goal. Remember no effort you make goes unrewarded. Keep looking for a job if you’re unemployed. Keep applying to schools until you’re admitted. Finish what you start. Don’t give up.

• When you know someone has been wronged, or treated unfairly, instead of looking the other way, for fear of others’ disapproval, stand up for what you know is right.

Most of us will never be called upon to put our lives on the line for a person, a cause, or a purpose, but we are called on to live our lives authentically. Only you and you alone can know what that means, but whatever it means, find the courage to be true to it and you will be living life heroically.

Lt. Colonel Frederick L. Parker, USAF

Namaste

The Yoga Of Inclusion

“There’s only one thing we can be sure of and that’s the love we have for our children,  for our families, and for each other … the love that takes us out of ourselves and binds us to something larger.” –President Barak Obama

The 2010 U.S. census identified Detroit as the country’s fourth-most racially segregated city. Yet at a favorite soul food restaurant near Detroit, I noticed that the patronage always reflects a 60/40 black-white racial mix. Sometimes more whites than blacks, sometimes the reverse, but usually a 60/40 mix. I asked my husband why he thought this African American-owned restaurant always had this particular mix of patrons. Without hesitation he said, “Intention.”

And then my “aha” moment: “It doesn’t just happen.”  Racial and cultural diversity are natural outcomes of conscious intention. When we intend to be inclusive and engage respectfully with those who are different from us we attract diversity.

Intentions are the promises we make to ourselves about what we are going to do, not what we wish would happen. Like yoga, inclusion is more than a theory, it is a practice. Once you set your mind on practicing it, you increase your chances of actually manifesting diversity.

Practicing tolerance is not the same as practicing inclusion. An attitude of tolerance carries with it the energy of endurance and indifference. “I am willing to put up with you because it’s the politically correct thing to do, but I am not inspired to engage you or to connect with you because I’m really not that interested.” That’s tolerance.

Since yoga is about engagement and connection, the yoga of inclusion asks us to go beyond our capacity to endure or put up with difference. It invites us to enter into relationship with that which is “other” and/or unfamiliar even if it makes us uncomfortable.

My ideal community is one that is racially, culturally, and ethnically diverse; a community that offers opportunities for a fuller experience through sharing our unique gifts, talents, and perspectives with each other, rather than one that requires sameness and conformity in order to have a sense of belonging. It is a more complex way to live and requires effort, but I like complexity and I don’t mind doing the work.

This past Christmas my family and I shared dinner with close friends. At the table were our hosts, a blended family, one widowed, the other divorced, a second marriage for both. The hostess is Greek American. The host has Appalachian and Native American roots. Both of their former spouses are Jewish. The gathering included the hostess’s bi-racial grandson, his Jewish/Greek American mother, along with her significant other and his  African American parents. My son was also there; his biological father is African American and his biological mother is German American and Ojibwa. He brought his significant other, who is Puerto Rican and Cuban American. Also at the table were a bi-racial couple, one French Canadian, the other Japanese American, their daughter, as well as my husband and me, we’re both African American. We all joined hands and hearts as we celebrated our loving connection to one another. It may not be for everyone, but this rich world of diversity is one that I relish, savor, and intentionally cultivate.

If you value racial, cultural, and ethnic diversity, then you need to  invest in it. It won’t manifest in your life just because you want it to. If you make inclusion your intention you can practice it by reaching out and extending yourself beyond your ordinary boundary. Some ideas:

• Attend a religious service different from your own. Go to a mosque, a Hindu temple, a Baha’i house of worship, a synagogue, a Christian service at a white church if you’re African American, or a black church if you’re white, a Protestant service if you are Catholic, or a Catholic service if you’re not. Invite someone of a different faith to join you in your worship service.

• Once a month prepare a meal from a culture different than yours, and/or go to a restaurant and try foods you’ve never tasted from another culture.

• Participate in various cultural events ; a Kwanzaa celebration, a Passover Seder. Go to a museum of African American history, a Jewish holocaust museum, or try an Italian or German opera. Invite friends from other races and cultures to share in your traditions.

• Learn to speak Spanish, Swahili, Chinese, or Farsi.

• Travel often and go to as many far away places as you can.

There is a difference between what you say you’ll do and what you want the outcome to be. If racial, cultural, and ethnic diversity are outcomes you are trying to create, then cultivating attitudes, language and behaviors that support that outcome are necessary. Cultural competence, using language that invites and welcomes, and inclusive behaviors all help.

Remember, your actions are what make the yoga of inclusion more than a theory. Small efforts make a big difference. So set your intention and then make it your practice. Take the yoga of inclusion off your mat and into your life.

Namaste

Me and My Shadow

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Children run from them, chase them, play hide and go seek with them, and project images onto walls to make art with them. A shadow has shape, color, texture, and mass; it is tangible. To a child, a shadow is a cherished friend.

By the time we reach adulthood, many of us have been conditioned to fear the shadow side of life. Because the shadow represents our unacknowledged traits and unknown characteristics, we refer to it as our dark side. Fearing what we may encounter if we step into our darkness…our unknown, unclaimed self, many of us prefer to avoid it. It scares us because we think of it as something separate and apart from us.

Instead of playing hide and go seek like we did as children, we hide from our shadow and it hides from us. But when you find the courage to look for it, to stare it in the face, and step deep into its darkness, you can discover buried treasure. Your shadow holds within it your untapped potential.

Jaime was one of the most gifted students in art school. When she asked her instructor what he thought of her chances to successfully patent a design she created he laughed, told her he thought she had no chance what so ever to have it patented, and then criticized her work. She was crushed, became discouraged, and began to doubt her abilities. She buried her dream, relegating her artistic aspirations to her shadow.

Carlos grew up with parents who were perfectionists. Every time he made a mistake or failed to accomplish something the first time he tried it, he was made to feel inadequate and stupid. He remembers his father ridiculing him for being unable to read in pre-school, and punishing him when he was 5 years old for not being able to ride his bike without training wheels. As an adult, he couldn’t admit to making mistakes or to not knowing everything. What he couldn’t do well and what he didn’t know were relegated to his shadow, becoming roadblocks to forming and sustaining good relationships and to advancing his career.

The traits that you learn to regard as bad, shameful, or wrong move into your shadow space where you lose touch with those parts of your self. Embracing your shadow helps you see yourself more clearly. Instead of feeling ashamed you feel compassionate, instead of feeling embarrassed you feel courageous, instead of feeling limited you experience freedom. Embracing your shadow allows you to be whole, to be real, to be powerful, to express your passion, and to make your dreams reality.

Facing her shadow helped Jaime realize that hiding the best in her self to keep from being attacked was self-defeating; she was then able to resume her art with greater confidence.  Facing his shadow helped Carlos see that hiding behind a mask of perfection was a handicap not an asset; he was then better able to accept his limitations and take suggestions from others that would help him improve and grow.

Your authentic self is acceptable because you are complete, not because you are good. Don’t hide from your shadow. Shine the light of awareness on your darkness. When you label yourself as bad, wrong, inferior or unworthy, you are looking through a cloudy lens. Open your eyes and you will become aware that you are complete and whole at the deepest level. The more you are aware, the more you will accept yourself. All parts of you deserve to be seen, heard, and embraced. Every part of you holds a gift that deserves healthy expression. Bringing light to your darkness will support you in creating loving relationships, good emotional health, and achieving your potential.

The journey to wholeness requires that we take a look at the best in us and the worst in us. It invites us to stop hiding from ourselves. It allows us to know the freedom of living not a perfect life, but a transparent life.

Namaste